The Circles: An Energy Expenditure Model
For those of us who just keep giving, giving, giving…
(A.K.A. The well-programmed women of the patriarchy, and others too!)
I created this model for myself when I was deep in burnout. It helped me recover, and more importantly, it can help prevent burnout in the first place! If you find yourself constantly running on empty, this might be exactly what you need.
Unless you’re some enlightened being who has tapped into an infinite energy source (well done you!), your energy is limited. How you use it is up to you. The first step? Becoming conscious of how you’re automatically spending it. Most of us are running on autopilot, programmed by our families, cultures, and society. That’s a dangerous and unfulfilling place to be.
Your own well-being and energy levels are your own responsibility. If you’re not looking out for yourself, no one else can do it for you. And if you’re constantly pouring energy into everyone else, you won’t have enough for the people who truly matter—let alone yourself.
The Circles: How It Works
Everyone’s version of this model will look different. Some people might have just three circles; others might have ten. There’s no right or wrong number—just what works for you. But whatever you do, Circle One is non-negotiable. The circles are concentric with you in the centre and the circles going outwards.
Circle One – YOU and ONLY YOU
This is your circle. The most important one.
- Self-care comes first—always.
- Prioritize rest, fulfillment, and personal well-being.
- NO ONE ELSE belongs in this circle. Not your job, not your children, not even your soulmate.
Circle Two – Your Dearest Ones
These are the people you would give anything for—no hesitation. Think:
- Your partner, children, parents, siblings, and possibly pets.
- The ones who matter most in your life.
Circle Three – Close Friends & Family (Maybe Work)
- Your close friends and extended family—people who genuinely matter to you.
- If you truly love your job and it fuels you, it might belong here.
- If it’s just an obligation? Move it further out.
Circle Four – Important but Not Closest People
- Friends and acquaintances you enjoy but aren’t in your inner world.
- People you’d happily invite to (or attend) a party with. (If the idea of a party makes you break out in hives, refer back to Note 1 below!)
A Few Important Notes:
- Your circles are unique to you. Some people might have only two circles, others ten. You do you.
- Consider your paid work as a ‘person’ for this exercise.
- Energy isn’t just physical effort. It includes time, thoughts, conversations, and resources.
- This model is about relationships, but if an activity drains your energy without giving back, treat it as a person and place it in a circle accordingly.
- This won’t work for everyone. If it doesn’t resonate, let it go!
How to Apply This Model
Once you map out your circles, the real work begins. Don’t get hooked on having to place every single person you know in a circle, just filling out the first three might be enough to get you going. Then:
- Step 1: Focus on Circle One. Meet your own needs first. Think: sleep, food, hydration, movement, quiet time, nature, meaningful connection, spirituality—whatever fills your cup.
- Step 2: Once you’re replenished, direct your energy to Circle Two. The people who matter the most.
- Step 3: If you have energy left, move outwards to Circle Three—and so on.
- Step 4: Don’t get distracted by the outer circles. They will always demand attention, but skipping the inner circles leads straight to burnout.
Skipping your attention and energy straight to the outer circles is how you end up on Burnout Boulevard—a place littered with people who neglected Circle One for so long that they became empty shells of themselves.
Final Thoughts
Keep checking in: Are you in Circle One? Have you accidentally placed someone else there? (Admission – I did this for years—with my job, my sick mother, my daughter, random acquaintances… basically everyone except myself.)
When I started using this model, I realised I was constantly giving energy to people who weren’t in my core circles. So, I stopped. For three years, I only focused on Circles One and Two while I recovered from burnout and got through the worst of times.
The result?
- My dear friends understood my limits and respected my need to withdraw for a while.
- People who had relied on me for help found other people to help them (go figure!).
- Over time, I gradually expanded back outwards, but only when I had energy to spare.
If this model helps you, I’m so glad. Prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. You matter. Take care of yourself first, so you can be your best self for the people who matter most.
With love and light,
Justene ❤️
